Facing Fear, Getting “Un-Stuck”, and Working Through Triggers with Dr. Nicole Lepera @the.holistic.psychologist
Facing Fear, Getting “Un-Stuck”, and Working Through Triggers with Dr. Nicole LePera @the.holistic.psychologist
You are surely aware of who Dr. Nicole is (you probably already follow her @the.holistic.psychologist)…and in this episode we break down some incredible information on breaking past fears and creating change in our lives. We dive deep into subconscious patterns, re-parenting and so much more on breaking through our subconscious mental patterns!
I had so many questions for Dr. Nicole and so did you all, so here are some of the top questions you sent in and Dr. Nicole’s takes on them all….
You won’t want to miss this full episode with Dr. Nicole and you can listen to the full episode - here!
Now let’s get into the questions you all had for Dr. Nicole and some brief summaries based on her detailed answers (which you can hear in the podcast episode)!
Question Number #1:
Why are we/can we get so stuck?
We are patterned by our parents and surroundings from infancy. We are like a computer. By the time we are adults, most of us are already living from this fully absorbed and patterned way.
Our subconscious pulls us towards what is familiar, which is often what has been programmed into our being as a child. It operates this way to keep us safe.
Sometimes uncertainty about the future and initiating change will create resistance in our bodies and minds - which may cause us to feel “stuck” or “stagnant.”
We allow ourselves to feel stuck when we continue to live in this programmed state. So once we acknowledge we’re stuck, we can begin to figure out where and adjust accordingly.
Question Number #2:
What does it take for someone to become sick of their present reality and make a desired change?
When circumstances cause ‘pattern interrupt’ (aka COVID-19) this can interrupt us from our auto-pilot, because our autopilot will not even be able to work…. Thus it forces us to create new habits or change, etc.
Some of us create change when ‘old normals’ are interrupted by outside forces.
Some of us, go through ‘dark nights’ and realize we “can no longer” take the present reality and are forced to finally act on an impulse to change our reality.
It’s moving from the impulse to actually initiating the action/habit change that creates the struggle within us.
This decision to act on impulse to change our reality will differ for each one of us - and this is natural. It all boils down to listening to the ‘pings’ your body gives you. It is also crucial to adapt to your present environment. But, it is absolutely crucial to meet yourself where your needs are in this moment and give yourself the freedom to adapt with them.
Question Number #3:
How Can We Learn to Face Fear + Get Out of the ‘Shame Spiral’ So Often Tied with Fear?
The familiarity of our realties can cause us to accept our realities.
We begin to disempower ourselves from ever moving forward beyond what’s comfortable. We may begin to feel that we cannot change. This again, is often innately tied to our programming.
The foundation of change is through the process of consciousness.
Steps you can take to face your fear:
Check in with yourself often. Set random alarms during the day to recenter and check in on how you feel and if you’re present.
Flex the subconsciousness muscle
Use your senses to bring you present - especially if you notice you aren’t present (take in your surroundings to do so)
When you practice this often, you begin to catch yourself when you leave the present moment.
Question Number #4:
What is the Ego? And What is it’s Purpose?
We often associate ego with narcissism.
Our goal is not to kill it or label it as ‘bad’ if we hear our ego speaking in our mind. Our goal is to acknowledge and make choices from a new place uncontrolled by ego and it’s opinions.
When we get here to earth… we are dependent (as infants) on others. We have physical needs (how to sustain life), emotional needs and spiritual needs. Our subconscious programming to our physical, emotional and spiritual needs begin forming in infancy.
So therefore, the ways in which we were raised begin to be imprinted into OUR needs in those areas (physical, emotional and spiritual). However, our needs often don’t end up being met because we are living in a conditioned pattern that was built to meet the need of someone else (our caregivers), not ours.
And then we grow up and we filter the world through the filter of our subconscious programming that was placed upon us. This can limit us. It keeps us ‘safe’ and in the home of what’s familiar. When we threaten this familiarity, it too threatens the ego. The trick is to be aware of the fear and aware of the story your ego presents to you. The more we get present, the more we can detach from the ego.
Thank it, acknowledge the ego, and then do what you need to do. Face the fear and do it anyway.
Question Number #5:
What Are Ways We Can Practice Responding vs. Reacting When Triggered by Family (Especially Around Holidays)
These core relationships where we feel most challenged and triggered are our deepest. Most likely they may be the last triggers we are able to successfully re-wire.
Breathe through all situations with those individuals and environments that may trigger you and make a new decision (eg. respond vs. react).
You can also make preparatory choices, modifying plans - that take care of YOU.
Check in with yourself and your needs often.
You can set boundaries. Boundaries are for us, to keep us safe and have our needs met. At the end of the day - setting boundaries allow us to create more sustainable relationships with family, partners and friends.
Question Number #6:
What is Re-Parenting?
Noticing our current ways we meet needs and notice patterns that do/do not serve us.
Again - this should be analyzing the patterns on how you meet physical, mental and spiritual needs.
We all have different needs. Even though we may think we are similar to our care-givers.
We are all different.
Many of us may have to reconnect to our emotional body and grounding back into the physical body.
Taking pause and recognizing where your needs are not met - and then filling the gap. Think about what YOU want. Meet yourself there.
Build the daily habit of checking in and carving out the space on where your needs are.
Release the ever busy-ness of the business world. ‘Cause we all know too well, the to-do list won’t stop/nor will it end. So, it is truly up to you, to hit that pause button. And you truly do have to allow yourself to have space to receive the answers.
It's surrendering to the openness to what you hear. When you get a ‘ping’ of what is your truth…listen and surrender to that which you hear.
What if your truth tells you this isn’t your path? What if the change is a little more uncomfortable? Just listen!
Question Number #7:
How Can Low Self Worth Keep Us Held Back?
Self worth is again tied to upbringing, pain, trauma, confidence, ego….
Showing up for yourself in small ways (like a small daily promise) can help you build your self worth.
Change is hard - always. Unfamiliar = fear.
You can build self worth by setting a small, daily achievable promise. You begin to break through on yourself-betrayal.’ This rewires your patterning. This rebuilds your confidence and self worth.
You can tune into the full episode here with Dr. Nicole to hear all about embracing change, dancing with fear, reprogramming our subconscious patterning and reparenting. This episode is amazing and you don’t want to miss out all the amazing truths Dr. Nicole shares.
You can tune in here!
